http://says.my/penocia/bday
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Saturday, April 2, 2011
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN A FLY FALLS INTO A COFFEE CUP?
The Italian - throws the cup and walks away in a fit of rage.
The Frenchmen - takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.
The Chinese - eats the fly and throws away the coffee.
The Russian - drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra with no charge.
The Israeli - sells the coffee to the Frenchman, the fly to the Chinese, buys himself a new cup of coffee and uses the extra money to invent a device that prevents flies from falling into coffee.
The Palestinian - blames the Israeli for the fly falling in his coffee, protests the act of aggression to the UN, takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, and the Russian are all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should give away his cup of coffee to the Palestinian.
The Malaysian - Bombs the fly with powerful C4. Use the ISA, OSA , MACC , controlled newspapers & TV stations , PDRM, judiciary, Umno, immigration, military and bodyguards to do the cleaning up. If the fly survives, recruit the bloody fly into Umno camp to do money politics, corruption, sodomy ,nude pictures and sex DVDs of opponents !!!
The Frenchmen - takes out the fly, and drinks the coffee.
The Chinese - eats the fly and throws away the coffee.
The Russian - drinks the coffee with the fly, since it was extra with no charge.
The Israeli - sells the coffee to the Frenchman, the fly to the Chinese, buys himself a new cup of coffee and uses the extra money to invent a device that prevents flies from falling into coffee.
The Palestinian - blames the Israeli for the fly falling in his coffee, protests the act of aggression to the UN, takes a loan from the European Union to buy a new cup of coffee, uses the money to purchase explosives and then blows up the coffee house where the Italian, the Frenchman, the Chinese, and the Russian are all trying to explain to the Israeli that he should give away his cup of coffee to the Palestinian.
The Malaysian - Bombs the fly with powerful C4. Use the ISA, OSA , MACC , controlled newspapers & TV stations , PDRM, judiciary, Umno, immigration, military and bodyguards to do the cleaning up. If the fly survives, recruit the bloody fly into Umno camp to do money politics, corruption, sodomy ,nude pictures and sex DVDs of opponents !!!
Joke: Software Engineer and his Wife talking
Husband - Hey dear, I am logged in.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree?
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card, i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you and your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters..
Wife - i will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.
Wife - would you like to have some snacks?
Husband - hard disk full.
Wife - have you brought the saree?
Husband - Bad command or file name.
Wife - but I told you about it in morning
Husband - erroneous syntax, abort, retry, cancel.
Wife - forget it where's your salary.
Husband - file in use, read only, try after some time.
Wife - at least give me your credit card, i can do some shopping.
Husband - sharing violation, access denied.
Wife - i made a mistake in marrying you.
Husband - data type mismatch.
Wife - you are useless.
Husband - by default.
Wife - who was there with you in the car this morning?
Husband - system unstable press ctrl, alt, del to Reboot.
Wife - what is the relation between you and your Receptionist?
Husband - the only user with write permission.
Wife - what is my value in your life?
Husband - unknown virus detected.
Wife - do you love me or your computer?
Husband - Too many parameters..
Wife - i will go to my dad's house.
Husband - program performed illegal operation, it will Close.
Wife - I will leave you forever.
Husband - close all programs and log out for another User.
Wife - it is worthless talking to you.
Husband - shut down the computer.
Wife - I am going
Husband - Its now safe to turn off your computer.
A woman writes to the IT Technical Support Guy
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
______ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________
Reply
DEAR Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.
Good Luck Madam!
IT SUPPORT DESK
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewellery applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as NEWS 5.0, MONEY 3.0 and CRICKET 4.1.
Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and House cleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
______ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________ _________
Reply
DEAR Madam,
First, keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update.
If that application works as designed, Husband1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5..
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Silence 2.5 or Beer 6.1.
Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: Cooking 3.0 and Hot Looks 7.7.
Good Luck Madam!
IT SUPPORT DESK
A Woman Is Like The World...
A WOMAN IS LIKE THE WORLD..
AT 2O YEARS SHE IS LIKE AFRICA, SEMI EXPLORED
AT 3O YEARS SHE IS LIKE INDIA, WARM MATURE AND MYSTERIOUS
AT 4O YEARS SHE IS LIKE AMERICA, TECHNICALLY PERFECT
AT 5O YEARS SHE IS LIKE EUROPE, ALL IN RUINS
AT 6O YEARS SHE IS LIKE SIBERIA......EVERYONE KNOWS WHERE IT IS BUT NO ONE WANTS TO GO THERE...
:p
AT 2O YEARS SHE IS LIKE AFRICA, SEMI EXPLORED
AT 3O YEARS SHE IS LIKE INDIA, WARM MATURE AND MYSTERIOUS
AT 4O YEARS SHE IS LIKE AMERICA, TECHNICALLY PERFECT
AT 5O YEARS SHE IS LIKE EUROPE, ALL IN RUINS
AT 6O YEARS SHE IS LIKE SIBERIA......EVERYONE KNOWS WHERE IT IS BUT NO ONE WANTS TO GO THERE...
:p
Dating Chinese, Indian, and Malay Girls
Chinese girl
1st date: You take her to a restaurant and spend on expensive dinner but NOTHING happens
2nd date: You spend more money on her and NOTHING happens
3rd date and onwards: You would have spent so much and realized that NOTHING WILL HAPPEN !!!
Indian girl
1st date: U meet her parents.
2nd date: She meets your parents.
3rd date: Wedding night.
Malay girl
1st date: You bring her out and get to hold her hands with hugs and kisses
2nd date: You get MORE than what u got on your 1st date
3rd date: You get caught by JAIS and you have to marry the girl......
......BUT you get to do it 3 more times again with other girls and marry all of them...hahahaha
*no pun intended..:)
1st date: You take her to a restaurant and spend on expensive dinner but NOTHING happens
2nd date: You spend more money on her and NOTHING happens
3rd date and onwards: You would have spent so much and realized that NOTHING WILL HAPPEN !!!
Indian girl
1st date: U meet her parents.
2nd date: She meets your parents.
3rd date: Wedding night.
Malay girl
1st date: You bring her out and get to hold her hands with hugs and kisses
2nd date: You get MORE than what u got on your 1st date
3rd date: You get caught by JAIS and you have to marry the girl......
......BUT you get to do it 3 more times again with other girls and marry all of them...hahahaha
*no pun intended..:)
WHO SAID MEN DON'T REMEMBER ANNIVERSARIES?
A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in their bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a hot cup of coffee. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she whispers as she steps into the room.
"Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from his coffee.
"Do you remember twenty years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes, I do," she replies. The husband paused. The words were not coming easily.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back seat of my car?"
"Yes, I remember" said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him.
The husband continued. "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, "Either you marry my daughter, or I will send you to jail for twenty years?"
"I remember that, too" she replied softly.
He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, "I would have been out of jail today and a free man!"
just for laughs :)
During dinner at his residence..
Politician A: Datuk, how did u afford such a big house, with 7 cars, 12 maids, and etc..
Politician B: Follow me.. look out that window.. u see that bridge??
Politician A: Yes!!
Politician B: 30% of that is what i used..
Following week dinner at Politician A's place..
Politician B: OMG.. how did u afford such a big mansion, with 23 cars, and 16 maids, 4 security guards, a light air-craft and etc??
Politician A: Follow me.. look out that window.. u see that bridge??
Politician B: NOPE!!!
Politician A: The money for that la i used to build all these..
bahahhahahahhaha..:p
Friday, April 1, 2011
malaysian nuts!!
one of the dumbest thing that i have ever heard !!
HURUF T WAJIB DIHARAMKAN
Semenjak kontraversi tarian poco-poco ini telah muncul
beberapa Ngo Melayu dan pemikir Melayu
yang telah menimbulkan kegusaran mereka terhadap huruf T.
Mengikut pandangan Ngo MelYu ini huruf T ini hampir menyerupai salib.
Mengukut MelYU jika diperhatian huruf T ini dengan menongeng maka
kita akan dapat melihat gambaran sosok yang sedang di salib.
Dari beberapa kajian ahli pilologi dan padagoji telah menunjukkan
bahawa huruf T ini hanya diwujudkan susudah Nabi Isa di salib.
Huruf T ini dimunculkan oleh para pengikut Isa yang jumud dan kemut.
Profesor Datuk Datang Dr Unku Ulam Raja Gopal
dari Universiti Sintok berpendapat bahawa
huruf T ini jika tidak dikawal mungkin
akan menghakiskan akidah orang Melayu.
“ Lihat sahaja Pantai Cinta Berahi di Kota Bahru telah terhakis…
ini akibat dari pengaruh huruf T ” Datuk Dr Profesor Unku Ulam Raja Gopal menenerangkan...
dude,seriously...?? an ALPHABET is goin to rosakkan
ur bloody akidah....ohmygod.....sigh...get a life and
grow some brains lar...belacans! =='
HURUF T WAJIB DIHARAMKAN
Semenjak kontraversi tarian poco-poco ini telah muncul
beberapa Ngo Melayu dan pemikir Melayu
yang telah menimbulkan kegusaran mereka terhadap huruf T.
Mengikut pandangan Ngo MelYu ini huruf T ini hampir menyerupai salib.
Mengukut MelYU jika diperhatian huruf T ini dengan menongeng maka
kita akan dapat melihat gambaran sosok yang sedang di salib.
Dari beberapa kajian ahli pilologi dan padagoji telah menunjukkan
bahawa huruf T ini hanya diwujudkan susudah Nabi Isa di salib.
Huruf T ini dimunculkan oleh para pengikut Isa yang jumud dan kemut.
Profesor Datuk Datang Dr Unku Ulam Raja Gopal
dari Universiti Sintok berpendapat bahawa
huruf T ini jika tidak dikawal mungkin
akan menghakiskan akidah orang Melayu.
“ Lihat sahaja Pantai Cinta Berahi di Kota Bahru telah terhakis…
ini akibat dari pengaruh huruf T ” Datuk Dr Profesor Unku Ulam Raja Gopal menenerangkan...
dude,seriously...?? an ALPHABET is goin to rosakkan
ur bloody akidah....ohmygod.....sigh...get a life and
grow some brains lar...belacans! =='
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)